So many things have changed this past year, externally and internal, like paradigm shifting, like I will not emerge out of this time period the same person, though I guess that would mean I would know the extent of this current period of time when an end would be near. And since it really has been six years since things started, since the flood, the loss, the growth, the move, an awful thing that became so good, not because it was "fate" but because I made the best of it and it has rewarded me in ways that most of my previous life prior could not. Though resilience and luck I don't know if one outdoes the other in that circumstance.  I think this was largely due to a humungous psychological shift the year prior. So I guess was lucky to be prepared. Not that one can ever truly be prepared but some things prepare you more than others. As an example (as I live everyday of my life example) especially my father's death and the circumstances of his demise they are very separate and yet one and the same. It feels like that experience had prepared me for everything, and not to be left out being suicidal and bullied for so many years. Rejection and death can be invaluable preparations in youth ("can" is the key word). Though I wish them on no child. I am thankful that has a person I can change and grow that their is capable to evolve mentally, emotionally, psychologically because that would be unbearable. So many things its always hard to write the right words though not to think them.