Was a long day but not much occurred too much to speak of but we miss you more than words convey. I can't believe how young I was. I can't believe how much I didn't understand. How much I would lose and never know. I mean I did know and understand but I couldn't articulate that in the face of death at thirteen. Do you know how the years go on and people and time just go on and on? That's what I didn't really understand. Not that I was thinking of the future. It's sometimes difficult to remember the details and intricateness. I thought it would come back to me eventually but my mind was just finding ways to survive not be crashed onto the shore. Not be broken and washed up as a carcass of loss. Though it's difficult to not relate to that now. The world is filled to the brim of endless tragedy and loss. You have your personal and you must bear witness to all that exists outside your slice of the universe that you can't control. The unhoused being driven into the abyss. The Palestinians being annihilated while the world tepidly raises their shoulders and then claps for those who say they are in service of supremacy of a nation state. The most morally bankrupt to choose a conception of land, nation, country, a controlling governing body to surveillance/penalize/dictate over a person or people. Yet that is much of the world. You would get that. I think a lot of the conservations we never got to have. Those I can miss the most. I have been so stressed and lost in a sense of being stuck in an aquarium at night that never closes and I never find the exit out nor remember the entranceway. I am just in the stream of conscious and what I admire the most of life are the things I cannot touch.