30 years later somewhere else today is just any other normal day for you, me and us. In these photos we are at the beginning of our lives. 

I think the words I miss or we miss you are inadequate, and it feels anxious to know what to say after 30 years, but I could never not acknowledge this day. 

 

johnny

Hi Dad, I really really miss you. 20 years...what is there to say? You were so cool and so smart much more than I will ever be. If that Thursday had just been any other ordinary bad day at school coming home for warmth and to be nestled when the weekend was around the corner. I looked so forward to that. I miss such a small comfort. Before the "after" occurred, the not knowing the worst was yet to come and would reverberate on and on. If I wrestle with the small comfort how can I ever feel safe among the big ones? Or is the goal to realize you are not safe? I have found most people have been able to hide and keep themselves safe. Tucked away, but that is not the darkness I need, I have a few lifetimes I've lived in this life.
Please don't try and solve me
I'm not here to be fixed
I'm not waiting for the light