The monster, predator, and decaying wolf of my past why would I ever let you crawl back in? Why would you have ever mistaken my kindness and submissiveness of terror in the past as an invitation to try and be welcomed and coddled into my life once more? Who the fuck do you think you are? Who do you take me for? What kind of disease are you? I expelled and extracted you. I survived when I thought you might kill me, when that could have happened. This isn't fear, this is fuck you. Get the stench of demise off my windowsill you think I'll open. Go find your peace of mind and needing for redemption somewhere else. Don't you dare knock again. 

Waiting at a door patiently for it to open that never will because the locks keep getting changed. The passes and codes constantly rearrange and they keep you in the dark. There is an ominous secret you can't decode. The story never corrects. This is the schemata, everything else was delusion, hope, and most of all distraction. Some people will never comprehend all the fortune they have. Likely because they are too busy living a life in an abundance with those who care and love for them openly and without restraint. Sometimes the only healing one has is to keep themselves close enough to the dark and only go into the light to find some warmth every now and then. 

like a fever like a flower like a wild ether

Things fall apart and time breaks your heart

you've seen the birds hang off the windows for years the strangers pass a little more dormant to fear

Gardens and Firelight