Fuck comedy, kick down a door.

Fuck an art response, pull a fire alarm.

Fuck a heart to heart, house a stowaway.

Fuck telling people to wait forty years till the courts get to be reversed, sleep on their lawns, smash open their cars, bolt your bodies onto their vacation homes.

Fuck debate, tell it like it is, tell them Jesus would flip the table against them.

Fuck these doctors letting their patients potentially die, do a John Q.

Fuck the big orgs leaving us like sitting ducks waiting when the powers wrench it all away and tear our lives apart in every fucking state, never forgive. 

Fuck social media outrage posts, storm the halls.

Fuck memes, hack their bank accounts.

Fuck difficult conversations, stop traffic.

Fuck the movement for not preparing us for a strike, never forget.

Fuck it all, start a blockade.

When the fist comes down in about a year will you remember how to say no?

Fuck this rant, I’m just a coward too.

Fuck fear, break the wall.

Fuck betrayal, they're coming for you also.

You aren't even aware of the time you wasted till it's already left and there is nothing you can do. No other life you could have lived, though you could have you just didn't know, you took it for granted and there is nothing left for no one except faint memories of 'oh yeah, remember when?' Yet you only say that in your head because you're too embarrassed and too sad to reveal what was it was, those previous possibilities. They are closed and nested and entombed.  

The past almost decade the wind taken out of me that I cannot live or be the same. Every time I feel I can finally settle and lay my sails open the world keeps changing on a reshuffling loop. It's not being beat down but I recognize a metamorphosis I am going through. Though I don't know if that is necessarily permanent beyond a point of no return way, but in changing there is at least some point of no return. We live such sadder and more disappointing existences than we care to admit with all those dreams we were going to fill quiet, small, hopeful and large. Yet the ebb and flow of many erode. So what now?

Lifetime dating repellents criteria that will make me grow cold and alone being eaten by cats and found in overgrown strangled houseplants and toppled with books on my corpse spiel:

Forced birth psychopaths or worse cloaked in "godliness"

Obviously fascists 

Rightward travelers, lurchers, and stans

If trans people make you piss your pants/give you a venomous chuckle/harden your heart

Anti woke tirades

Irony poisoned pilled brains

Your mind is an exploding hybrid of conspiracy theory melting pots tinkering back and forth 

Natural health freaks that defy science, reason, and logic

Classically liberal dissenters 

Anti vax & Covid denialists and skeptics of the last 4 years (seriously fuck you)

Heterodox moderate sharks (you ain't fooling me)

"Both sides" well meaning fools and calculated swindlers 

Post-left jokerfied dupes

Contrarian con men

"Politics don't mean anything/it doesn't matter" monologues

"Billionaires make the world a better place with a brighter future ahead for us all"

"Low birth rates are no joke"

"You wouldn't have psychological health issues if it wasn't for capitalism"

One of your pastimes is hating kids and even worse doing so loudly and wrongfully complaining how annoying & stupid they are. There is a reason people lose their minds in Children of Men, a film many of these same people love to cite.

If you find caring about and helping people you don't know, never will, and who can never repay you back a waste of time.

If you believe abortion and reproductive rights is just a culture war issue that the left needs to get past and not an ongoing commitment for people's reproductive freedom and self determination.

You think Palestinians are worthwhile collateral damage 

I'm not naive but I find doomerism boring and life is too short

*Did I repel you enough?

 

One reason I could never vote for Trump is that I don't hate people that much. Sure they are maddening and they scare me with their cruelty and indifference. Sadden me with the hate they become bloated and self righteous with as if they must breathe and defend it till their very last breath. Truly frightening and baffling characters abound in the universe past, present and whatever the future will be some grossness and evil will be there waiting to greet the rest of us. Sometimes I can't believe I am part of this tragic, powerful, horrifying, fascinating species. Sometimes I think god when will it stop already. Where is this meteorite? 

If I let it creep inside too long, people would drive me crazy enough to make me mentally attempt to try and get myself to go off the grid but I'm no misanthrope. Even the people I rage against and those I loathe the most could never make me hateful enough to vote for the accelerationist button. But so many these days don't seem so concerned. Sometimes I feel like that I was just born to witness this collision and collapse of society in this time period or an eventual one that we all are either holding our breath, whistling pass the graveyard, rage-fully denying or pretend to possess that much indifference toward. 

The last four years seem such stark proof. One of the last masking holdouts. One of the few never infected, knock on wood etc, etc because that kind of luck with something so pervasive can't last forever, but it's good in the meantime. Sometimes I feel I am one of the lasting few that felt it actually mattered that because people died and suffered that it's important to live as if to ease suffering that may befall others. And I feel my sense of isolation in the past couple years is due to just knowing that's not a norm from seeing this mass scale rejection. Forget being fearful of these buffoonish beholden to capital governments as they have a mixed bag track record when it comes to disasters like these, yet to see the people in the population and community and their behaviors that is the real failure of this American experiment. 

But what can one expect this country was in the gripes of fucking clown sightings moral panic contagion for a couple months in 2016. And then the Stephen King clown became president and he may become president once again! Now we have genocide abroad we are aiding that has the same range and scope of backlash that took out Lyndon Johnson. That's what the Democrats really can't get over. That and always looking over their shoulder to appease the Reagan Democrat, a real political realignment. 40 years rot that Covid fully unearthed.

Sometimes I feel like Goya as in his witnessing and the survival he took on with the world in front of him wrenched and gutted apart. Though he lived a version that nothing presently in the US could come close to. I still think of his witnessing and that shifting him. I wonder what he would do and how he managed to survive. What he did to live, make art and escape all else. Yet we can't necessarily predict these things of what will be assured methods. It doesn’t hurt to contemplate it’s just sad to know why you are contemplating.

- March 23-25, 2024

No state is more important than people and none ever will be. 

How can so many have lost their humanity in defense of the position that a nation state matters more than human lives?

Do I not just fit into the world? And what kind of world would I even want to fit into if that's the case. 

Watching genocide in high definition, done in the name of protecting people as if they are more sacred and deserving than the people originally ethnically cleansed off the land. Those who remained eventually existed in an open air prison, and now the people who are alive in the present are in a wasteland. But don’t worry if one is to question this logic attacks on their character will occur over and over.

Well fuck that noise. Free Palestine. 

The mainstream art world (and academia) has been particularly cowardly despite positioning themselves as speaking truth to power, free speech and expression. "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable," yet all we hear from these institutions is crickets along with news of people's work taken down, shows canceled, and people kicked off panels. Pop celebrities have taken bigger risks ironically. 

There is worldwide courage from everyday people happening daily and complicity and spinelessness from those with power. Same as it ever was.

From the river to the sea. 🍉

In honor of the coward and warmonger once upon a time a progressive dream Fetterman also known as Israel's cheerleading ethnic cleansing ''if I'm the last man standing on this horrific stance so be it' bully

   A coward, a bully, a poseur in your empathy for the oppressed and forgotten. I think deep down you know you lack sensitivity that’s why you act to compensate whatever ego you have or your weakness and insecurity of one. You are aware there is a bully inside that you kept trying to hide and escape from. Yet now you have acquired power and treatment you feel ennobled you don’t owe anyone anything. You throw your wife under the bus even. You grin ghoulishly at the people pleading for you to understand the Palestinian’s horror and plight of the last 75 years. 

  You lie and say you have no idea what happened to progressives when you have been in these circles for years and exclaimed those were your people. You throw the term “pinko” as if you transformed into some Archie Bunker character. You positioned yourself for years on the political stage saying you stand up for the common man but those with clear eyed empathy can now see right through that. I’m ashamed to have supported and believed in you and waived away my first impressions of you. All those on the political right who attacked, belittled and demeaned not only you but your family now they sing your praises, and you do a photo shoot for one of the biggest media platforms for right wing propaganda. 

  

  One day this will all catch up in some form. I hope one day if you realize what you gave up it pains you a soul crushing ache that never abates. And as you try to sleep off these bouts of dread and sorrow you become consumed with the imagery and screams of the Palestinians. Especially the children who have been killed, maimed, and the ones who have to go on surviving after the genocide show.

Through your dismissal of the Palestinians you have given complicity to the media and political figures finding ways to distort the dead to not be seen as victims but as hollowed ghosts who had dreadful lives filled with backward violent people that didn’t matter. To you those people could never be real victims. Their truth and history is inconvenient for your narrative. But you are lucky you don’t even try to both sides this issue because they aren’t human to you.

  If I were religious I would pray that your fabricated bravery and astute acknowledgment that “war is hell” and full guttural maniacal support of Israel leaves an unmovable stain on your career. But you’re a politician in a country with short term memory of genocidal conflicts this country funds and perpetuates in lands many couldn’t point to on a map because it’s ‘over there.’ You will probably be off the hook by most sadly. I’m glad you blotted out your tattoo because you don’t believe in the core values of any of that. And even if you don’t come to any realizations as most cowards don’t, I hope the screams of the dead and dispossessed in Palestine and all in the diaspora haunt your dreams forever.